A new home

Just as things seemed to be getting totally out of hand with the shrews, Jenny Donkey came to the rescue. It could have been even better too, but she had to be "sensible". Bo Urr.

What happened was that Jenny talked to some of the local squirrels one afternoon when the boy was out, and they told her about a place that sounded just right for the shrews. It's called the Botanical Gardens, and it's full of greenery and better still, the glasshouses are all heated, so that the little ones would be fine. Well, we smuggled all the shrews out of the Boy's room (Oi don't think he ever noticed them) and marched in a small, but quite long crocodile formation all the way down to the Gardens. On the way there, Oi had moi brainwave. If people pays to get into places loike that, how much more would they pay to see shrews that Oi have trained at great personal expense to do tricks like forming shrew pyramids?

Unfortunately, no sooner had Oi got a sign made up, and some attractive pink tickets to sell, than Jenny came along and nuzzled me out of the door, saying "I don't think that is a very good idea, do you, Mole dear?" Well, Oi tried saying "Yes, Oi does actually" but you know how determined (read "stubborn") a donkey can be, and I had to leave them there.

Oi suppose it was all for the best in the end. We had to find somewhere for they shrews, as the end of term is fast approaching, and we couldn't leave them on their own all through the holidays. And Oi knows where to find them if Oi needs them again for one of moi master plans!

A big babysitter

Well, Oi thought things would get easier as the baby shrews got bigger. You see, they grow very quickly and get through the stage of being helpless and crying all the while in no time. Unfortunately, Oi didn't realise that this means that they then need entertaining all the time. It's not dignifoied for a Mole to have a dozen shrews hanging on his paws all day, saying "What can I do now, Mr Mole" over and over again. Oi tried delivering my lecture on "Exploits of a Renaissance Mole - Wit and Wisdom in the 21st Century", but they just got bored. No pleasing some creatures. And it was illustrated by attractive pictures of great moles through the ages (all inpersonated by yours truly, of course).

In the end, there was only one thing for it - dump them on some other poor sap. The Toa didn't look too pleased with being pressed into service, but they were surpisingly patient, and the shrewbabes loved it!

The patter of tiny feet...

...hundreds of the bloighters! Oi discovered why there seemed to be more shrews than before. Apparently, shrews are very romantic creatures (can't say as Oi ever noticed afore) and being cooped up in the Boy's cupboard has given them little else to do. The result is that we now have a very large number of additional mouths to feed. I have got all moi work cut out just making cots and prams out of matchboxes for the little whatsits. You should see the size of the flame Oi got when Oi set fire to all they matches to get rid of them!

Oi just hope the Boy doesn't work out where all his hankies have gone, or why he's having to buy a lot of milk at the moment. It's no good, they're going to have to go. Oi'm told that they will "need amusing" as they get bigger. What do they think Oi am, a shrew entertainer??

Courtroom Chaos

Well, Oi survived my court appearance to tell the tale, but Oi have to admit that it did not exactly go smoothly! All went well until the time came for Cyril the Squirrel to make his initial submissions to the court. At this point, the University's lawyer kept interrupting and asking him to repeat what he had said. Anyone would think he'd never heard proper legal squeaking before. As you can imagine, Cyril found this very irritating, and after one particularly supercilious interjection, he snapped. He scurried across the floor, ran up the lawyer's trouser leg, hopped onto his bonce and made off with his wig. There was pandemonium in the court, but Cyril combines a quick legal mind with a turn of speed rarely found in County Courts and he was gone before they could catch him.

Things looked a bit bleak for a while, as Oi was now not represented at all. Fortunately, it turned out that the Judge was "fond of squirrels" having been a member of the Tufty Club in his youth. So let me off, but Oi got a stern warning as to moi behaviour in the future.

All's well that ends well, Oi suppose. Cyril is now happily snuggled down in his drey with a new and comfortable mattress, and Oi've gone back to the boy's room. There's one problem that hasn't gone away though - shrews. And for some reason there seems to be more of them than ever. Lots of smaller ones have appeared - what on earth could have caused that?

Nice one Cyril!

Just as things were looking at their blackest, new hope appears in furry form!

Oi was starting to get very worried about the writ from the University over moi slightly optimistic booking of the Sheldonian. Even worse than the astronomical bill, was the reference to them sending the "Bulldogs" round if Oi didn't pay up. Oi've had too many run ins with dogs to want to risk that, even if they do wear bowler hats round here for some reason!

So what Oi needed was some top notch legal advoice. And 'oo should come to moi rescue than one of they pesky squirrels that was giving me problems a couple of weeks ago. Oi was gazing out of moi window in a soulful yet attractive manner when he knocked on the glass. Fearing a trick, Oi was at first reluctant to let him in, but one hearing him shout the magic words "No win, no fee" through the double glazing, Oi decided to give it a go.

Anyway, his name is Cyril, and he has promised that he will be able to run rings around the University's lawyers, get me off the charge for the Theatre and possibly even get me damages for mental distress. Having seen him scuttle up a tree in no time at all, Oi'm sure he's right. He may have a very squeaky voice, but Oi'm convinced - Oi shall have moi day in court!