Well after a decent period to allow the dust to settle, and certain East European bears to lose interest, Oi have decided that it is save for me to return to moi place of learnin'. On the way there Oi met a new friend. His name is curly and it happened loike this.
Oi was trundlin' down the road to Oxford when Oi started to feel a bit peckish. (Actually it was after about three or four minutes of the journey, but that is not important to the flow of this narrative.) Oi stopped at the side of the road and started a small burrow with a view to finding some tasty invertebrates. Oi couldn't believe moi luck when almost immediately Oi laid paws on a wriggly tail. Oi pulled and pulled to get it free, but as Oi did so, the creature got larger and larger. Within a few moments, he had transformed from light snack, through tasty morsel, satisfying repast, and heavy meal to feast o' gluttony size. Then his head appeared and Oi was able to glean that the large worm Oi had been attempting to capture was in fact a snake, and what was more he seemed to be capturing me! He had wrapped several coils around me and his face was slithering around to strike a mortal blow! As his head swivelled round to face me, however, Oi realised that the mask of reptilian vengeance Oi had anticipated was in fact a cheery smiling face, with just a touch of loopiness around the eyes. He introduced himself as "Curly" - short for Curly Wurly apparently - and we have since become firm friends. Particularly firm in the sense that, once coiled on a body, this chap is extremely difficult to shift. Oi don't mind too much though - he's a friendly chap and at least he's keeping those cheeky squirrels away!
